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Dear Beautiful

You are enough, you are sufficient, you are beautiful. What someone else has spoken over you because of their own insecurity has no foundation in your life. Know that! Receive that!

I know sometimes the ones closest to you are the ones that inflict the most pain. Sometimes it’s in their words, it’s in their actions or it can be in their lack of being there at all for you. I have had/have people in my life do all three, and I’m learning that often times they’re mistreatment comes from a place within themselves that needs treating. Maybe they don’t value themselves, maybe they are struggling with addiction, maybe they are still trying to get over a painful past. I can’t judge their walk but I can choose to redirect my footsteps onto a path that leads away from them. Because intentional or not, disrespect and negative energy can consume and destroy your joy.

I wish I could go back to my 19-year-old self and say brush it off baby, he knows not what he’s doing. His actions don’t make up who you are. His lack of real love does not determine the rest of your relationships. His anger does not mean you are incapable. If you let the rest of your relationships (any relationships) be molded by the first bad one, you are setting yourself up for continual distress.

I say pray. Since you want to love them so bad regardless, do it in prayer. Some things still haunt me from my past but the only thing that gets me through is washing those people in prayer. You can’t fix anyone so just leave it to God. Don’t give power to those afflicting words or actions, just leave it to God and move forward with your beautiful self. You are so worth the progression.

It’s Not About You

The things you are struggling with, conquering, dealing with in your life are not for you. Have you ever thought that maybe you need to go through whatever it is you’ve been going through so that you can save others who may be battling with the same issues? Life and its meaning is so much bigger than just you. You taking back control of your life after drug use is so that you can teach another person how to do the same. Your struggle as a single mom is for inspiring other single parents to keep going. Your 3-job hustle to make ends meet is so that your son will do greater and bigger things in his life. Everything has a purpose, has a function. Your pain is not in vain.

Try, instead of asking God why me, ask him what? What is it you need to learn in this situation, what is it you need to share during this tough time. The struggle develops you and in turn can change someone else. It dawned on me earlier this year that not only am I to be provider and comforter for my baby, but my duty to her is to break the previous dead end cycles. Every generation should elevate a little more each time. My adolescent years had to play out the way they did so that I can do the right thing now for my daughter. It’s not for nothing and it certainly isn’t all about you girl. That’s the beautiful thing though, using your experience to help or heal another person and through that healing yourself. Amen!

I want to leave you with this reminder so that next time you find yourself wrestling with the why’s of your life, you can switch gears and focus your attention on the Spiritual what’s:

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own son, but GAVE him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:31-32

Trees Planted by Streams

Trust is the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. What a heavy responsibility for the trusted. My ability to trust has run a little dry on more than one occasion and it is frustrating. It can alter your perspective, your ability to care for and love others and even how you feel about yourself, IF YOU LET IT. And we are human, so chances are at some point in your life you HAVE let it. But sisters, the Lord brought me to my laptop today to tell you that He is trustworthy, He is so worthy of your trust.

I know the hurt of misplaced trust all too well, it stings more than a paper cut. I’ve been the betrayed, I’ve been the betrayer, and it isn’t a good feeling no matter how you look at it. For me, what crushes me the most is not the act of cheating or lying or gossip itself, but it is the fact that I am being let down by someone I held such a high standard to. It makes trusting anyone that much harder. And as my life will tell it, I get over the first let down and trust again, just to be crushed yet again. Who we are choosing to trust is important. I’m not saying that you can’t trust anyone or that you shouldn’t try to trust again. Not at all. But what I am saying is that trust placed in the Creator is never misplaced. It is such a delivering feeling when you realize there IS someone you can trust with all things.

But how can you trust something you don’t see? I get it, it is such a weird concept to trust in someone who isn’t tangible in the natural world, who you may not hear yet, especially when you come from such a hurt place. As Christians, we must walk by faith. We take risks for love and money making opportunities, but why is it so hard to take a risk in the name of faith? I’ve seen that when I trust in the Lord with all things, and more recently, a personal relationship, things just fall into place. Doors begin to open. Jeremiah 17:7 says that blessed are those who trust in the Lord and put all their confidence in him. Let Him love you girl!

Bottom line is, there will be bumps, potholes, whole medians in your road, but trusting that God is bigger than your circumstance and being confident in his strength and ability to overcome, because He has already overcome, is key to getting out of your mess. Psalm 56:4 says that since you trust in God and are not afraid, what can mere humans do to you? Don’t get hung up on what they did, what you did, what they said, what had happened. Ground yourself in God’s promises for you and let yourself be restored. I love this next verse:

They will be like a tree planted by the water that send out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green; it has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. Jeremiah 17:8 – 10

Single mommas, my prayer for you today is that you put your complete trust in the Lord. Be a tree planted by Christ so that you never fear the heat of your situation or the dry seasons of your life. Know where your strength and guidance comes from so that you may never fail to bear fruit. Let your leaves always be green because you know the Lord is who is in control. Embrace the spirit of confidence that has been given to you so that you can overcome again, love again, laugh again. Smile, things are going to be just fine.

When It Rains We Grow

We just need to face it. Life is going to at some point throw you curve balls, whether you are prepared for them or not. I still cringe at the thought of not always having rainbows and butterflies but I think the sooner we grasp this the sooner we can excel. I know that I love when things are going right, baby daddy is acting right, my bills are paid, my hair is in a good mood and my daughter is taking her nap right on schedule. But what do we really learn from these perfect situations? In school, isn’t it the new topics we know nothing about that give us the knowledge we need to pass the test? Math was PAINFUL for me in school, but I knew I needed to push through the classes to advance to the next grade.

I was recently watching a sermon from Pastor Micahn Carter and he made such a great point; in the natural world, although it hurts to feel pain, it is necessary to feel pain to know that there is a problem. For example, when we get sick or have an infection it is the sole ability to feel pain and discomfort that allows us to know that something is wrong. Maybe we need to treat our life circumstances with the same sensitivity. Pain and hurtful situations are not from God, but God will use them to grow you and mature you. Look at pain as an indicator of future elevation.

I tend to fight the pain or pretend it isn’t there, which in turn leaves me with greater hurt and a bigger emotional mess to clean. Or when life seems to be crumbling down on me in what feels like every single aspect, finances, career choices, motherhood, I like to throw pity parties and cry myself into oblivion. Well, not today devil! I think we need to make a new pact with pain. Pain does not control your perspective, it prospers it.

I read such a freeing word last week and I want to share it with you. I believe every person, not just single moms, needs to take in this beautiful scripture. Isaiah 55:10-11 reads: As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. I LOVE THAT. Like for real.

The Lord is telling us that just like the rain comes and waters the dirt so that there may be life, flowers, trees, His word too will come and give life to you. What he has set upon your life WILL BE. The rain in your life allows for a season of sowing, a season of reflection and learning. But my beautiful sister, after the rain comes the rainbows. After the rain, we can reap. What the enemy is intending for your destruction, God is using for your purpose.

Single mommas, my prayer for you today is that you learn to embrace the pain and rain of your situation. Learn that this isn’t the end. Rain is necessary for flowers to flourish. God will not leave you or forsake you and He is using the hurt you feel to train you up for something greater. I truly believe this. Jeremiah 29:11 says that His plans for you are to prosper you and give you a hope and a future. Be strong in knowing just that.

Add to Your Wholeness

You know those romantic comedies that stage a damsel in distress struggling to make ends meet and then is rescued by the witty, rich and shiny knight in armor, essentially “completing” her (insert heart eye emoji) and saving her from heart break and lonely nights. Ladies, movies are not real life. Please believe me when I say you are not a half, you are in fact whole. Yes, everything you need is already in you through Christ Jesus. There is no man, no career path, no paycheck that can make you complete. That kind of power is supernatural. Colossians 2:8-10 warns against hollow and deceptive worldly philosophy and proclaims your fullness in Christ.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in the world’s view of how a relationship works, when you should have sex, who you should marry; I mean these ideas are in the movies we watch every day, the music we listen to every day, the conversations we have every day and the pictures we see on Instagram every day. It seems that adopting an inferior sense of self is what we as women are trained to do and even expect of ourselves. I know because I was that girl. I still struggle with that girl sometimes. I looked for love and acceptance in the wrong places. I submitted myself to people thinking that it would make the relationship stronger. I betrayed my own sense of value and glorified another’s believing they were the one God sent to complete me. Man was I ever wrong!

I am learning now that there is only one person who could ever give you the sense of wholeness you seek so badly from another human, his name is Jesus. I am learning that the people in your life should be adding to your wholeness, not completing your half because you are not a half. Colossians 2:10 says that in Christ you have been brought to fullness. The search is over! What a relief right?

Single mommas, my prayer for you today is that you learn your worth in Christ and know how much He loves you. Get familiar with the idea that you are enough because Jesus has made you to be enough. He didn’t create you to be a robot or a woman in distress waiting to be saved. He has already saved you and wants you to live a fulfilled life according to His plans for you. Do not be afraid of being alone a little longer if it means you are waiting on God’s perfect timing. There is no ticking timesheet that says you must settle. God wants you to realize your full potential and step into your wholeness with faith, knowing that He will add to it when and as He sees fit. There is no race. Colossians 2:17 declares that in Him all things hold together. You got this girl!